Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Depression

       I know its a very touchy subject but a lot of people are affected and me being a business owner have definitely felt depression. Sometimes when you don't see growth in yourself, what your doing or just certain circumstances life may bring you can cause depression. 
Depression comes in all different shapes and sizes and no one ever has the same feelings, symptoms or ways to get over it. Some forms of depression include oversleeping, overeating and being really emotional. While other effects of depression are under eating, not sleeping while still being emotionally irritable. I have suffered from both cases and I'm pretty sure that there are many different effects and affects people may have I am just sharing mine. I went through depression when I graduated high school about 3 years ago (now 4 years ago) and I want to share some of my story in hopes of helping someone else out or even saving a life because back in 2012 I really considered taking my own life. 
      So like I said before I went through depression in 2012, I was really lost and I didn't know what was next. I found out the one and only college I got into didn't accept my loan application and financial aid did not cover any expenses, I was stuck. I ended up taking on two jobs at a local mall and saving up money to at least go to a community college so I could transfer into the school of my dreams. Instead I not only did that but I started my online store www.PoliteSocietyStore.com now PoliteSociety.US July 3rd, 2012. I started with an online store to build a customer base because one day I wanted to own a retail chain of stores. I think the beginning of my depression started when I started my store and I couldn't get a customer for at least 3 SOLID months. I thought the customers and money was going to appear out of nowhere I did not realize how important it was to do events, promotion and tap into the base of people I already knew. Also, people committing credit card scams on my account did not make it any better. Before It got better it was definitely worse one job I worked at "my bosses" were racist and always spew hate statements and it put me in a really bad place because I HAD to work there in order to achieve my goal of going to school. There were a bunch of gossip going on and certain females just did not like me just because. My other job was just purely stressful because it was based off commission, I loved the environment but the selling aspect to make your pay check was too much. On days off I would literally sleep all day, I didn't eat and I cried at least two-three times a day and most of the time while at work, on break. I went down to about 98-100 pounds which isn't healthy for my size I am only 5 feet and my normal body weight is about 115. At the end of 2012, I saved LITERALLY just enough to take 3 classes and pay for books with the help of some financial aid. I started to exercise after class which honestly got rid of a lot of stress and ate more because my body craved carbs. After I got into a good place again I was literally the best weight of my life 125 I was thick for once lol. 
     At the end of 2014 into 2015 I got another job thinking it would help expand my business. But, this job required I work 6 days a week and it took me an hour and a half to get there and back every day. I would honestly do things differently but, you can't change the past only learn from it. With this job I gained so much weight from eating unhealthy and just feeling depressed about losing focus on my faith, my family and my business. I disabled my store online and just decided to work and make a paycheck every two weeks which is NOT me. Don't get me wrong, I praise the people who do that but I love the aspect of being your own boss, making your own schedule and making your own money. With my decision to quit I spent all the money I saved building my store back up, my blog back up and spending money to spend time and gain memories with my family again that I lost in being irritable and depressed from that job.  

     I just wanted to share a little bit of some stuff I went and go through on a daily basis because everyone tends to think some peoples lives are perfect and you really never know what someone's going through. I didn't share half of the story because I still am a very private person but If certain people didn't reach out to me I can honestly say I would have probably taken my life years ago because I was directionless and lacked confidence and had some bad friendships/relationships in my life. 

     I'm asking that if you are depressed or lacking confidence do not get into any relationships because you just bring those emotions with you and you should be whole before you search to become more than. Theres always someone to talk to about any situation you may be going through whether family, friend or religious leader. Or you can email me if you want to talk!

I am making an update video for my 2016 story with battling depression and not going back to that bad place again soon!



Email Me At Info@emanimone.com


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Xoxo,
Emani Mone
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